Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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