I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
