ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
