Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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