He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
