i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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