this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize