Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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