Well apparently he's into motor boating.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
