I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
