just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
