I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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