I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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