I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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