pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
