I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
