i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
