direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
