at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
