i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
