yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i believe in u and ur pee
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