Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
