I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
