So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
