Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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