you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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