Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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