I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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