I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
