just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
