I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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