I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
