I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
