I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
