Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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