I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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