So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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