Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
