Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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