Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
