I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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