Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
