I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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