remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
