YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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