I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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