Christians are straight up FREAKS
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
