I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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