things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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