So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
