five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
