Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
