My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
