I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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