I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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