if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
