I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
