My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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