Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
