did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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