I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
