too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
