Do you still have your period?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
pray to the hookup gods
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
