Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
