he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
