I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
