TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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