Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
