please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
