hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
