i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize